To open the conversation about moving into aged care can be one of the most challenging and uncomfortable topics to discuss with your loved one. Starting the conversation early can prove to be beneficial because it plants the seed, it becomes an idea that all parties can now have on their mind to weigh up the pros and cons. It also allows your loved one to prepare themselves mentally for when the day comes that they have to move into aged care.
Why the Conversation is Important
It is important to have this conversation with your loved one because it allows you to express your concerns. It is not a way of saying “I’m sick of you, I want to get rid of you”. Instead, it is a means to express your safety concerns for your loved one, the want to reduce their social isolation and the fact their needs may need increased care. It is advised to have this conversation early, rather than delaying it to avoid the discomfort and potential emotional distress. This is because delaying the conversation can lead to the decision feeling rushed. Discussing this early helps your loved one to feel included and respected.
Choose the Right Moment
To open this conversation, it is important to take the thoughts, feelings, and emotional wellbeing of your loved one into account. It is best to have this conversation at a calm and unhurried time. Avoid stressful situations or moments right after a crisis because this allows your loved one to be in the best headspace possible and won’t be feeling already emotionally heightened. Creating a private, comfortable space to talk also takes away stress from your loved one and allows them to be able to think fully and express exactly how they feel and what they think.
Lead with Empathy and Support
When you open this conversation, you should not open with criticism regarding your loved one’s abilities or the burden you carry because of their complex needs. It is important to begin with care and concern. Use gentle language that puts them first to help them understand that you want what is best for them. A great way to do this is by emphasising your desire to support their wellbeing and independence.
Listen Without Judgement
At the end of the day, you must remember that you aren’t opening this conversation simply for your own needs, but because you genuinely want what is best for your loved one. Begin asking open-ended questions that allow them to express their fears and concerns about living at home or a supported facility. Are there goals they are not able to achieve? Are there things they are not able to do and need extra support to be able to do those things? Validate their emotions and avoid dismissing them as much as possible. Let your loved one be open.
Focus on the Benefits of Aged Care
After bringing up the idea of aged care, you should also start discussing the benefits your loved one may find from it. Highlight the possibility for increased independence, social engagement opportunities, reduced household responsibilities, and overall improvement in their quality of life. While keeping the tone positive and supportive, you can also clarify myths and discuss their concerns. Aged care provides a safe, caring community tailored to their needs. For more information on how some residents may perceived aged care, read the following study which interviews 17 residents on quality of life in an aged care setting: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10907605/
Involve Them in the Decision-Making Process
Talk to your loved one about their preferences. Is there a specific location they have in mind? Are there any locations they want to avoid? Talk about the style of room they want, what sort of activities they want to become involved in, and even what their routines might look like and what level of support they want. You can even bring up suggestions and visit some different communities together. Encourage your loved one to tell you exactly what they think and feel and allow them to feel comfortable to ask questions and express concerns.
Provide Reassurance
Keep in mind, this conversation is rarely a one-time discussion. Take breaks and revisit the topic when appropriate. Don’t force the idea onto your loved one, give them space, and allow them to adjust emotionally. Remember to emphasise that they are not losing you or their family. Explain that you will still visit and remain completely involved with them the same as it is now. Offer comfort during this transition period and be loving and patient.
If this is something you are planning to discuss with your loved one and you are seeking advice or support, please don’t hesitate to contact us to see how we are able to help you and your loved one to reach their goals and live their best life.
FAQ’s
Q: What if my loved one refuses to let me open the conversation about moving into aged care?
A: Give them space, remember this is an uncomfortable topic. Revisit the idea with them at a later date with a calm and supportive approach. Emphasise on their safety and comfort, rather than the move itself.
Q: What’s the difference between aged care and nursing homes?
A: Aged care is for seniors who still have the ability to remain mostly independent but just need a bit of extra support with daily routines and activities. It provides safety, daily meals, and social opportunities. Nursing homes offer 24/7 medical care for seniors who have more complex needs